In his eyes, Sogeking was not Usopp
by Lizmun
Summary: Yuck! Angst! But it's an old fic. As the crew heads towards Eniens Lobby, Usopp feels so distant from his Nakama, despite, as Sogeking, he is standing right next to them.


_Browsing through some memory disks, I found this little diddy hidden in a file that I had thought I had deleted long ago. Looking at the contents, I kinda wished I did delete it. I think I was going through an emo-phase! I hate when that happens. Ugh Anyway... I think this took place before the crew arrived at Enies Lobby. I forget._

_Characters don't belong to me, but I do have them on layaway.  
Comments and Criticism Wanted:  
Please apply within._

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For Usopp, it was hard. What he was going through, what he had gone through and what he was going to have to do… it was all hard. It was difficult to watch his former teammates from the sidelines and not step forward and take his place rightfully by their side. It was selfish of him to be envious of his counter-alias, Sogeking, for his relationship with the Straw Hats. Although he himself WAS this alternative identity, he couldn't help but feel a bit of pique from how easily the King of sharpshooters would interact with his former friends. With Sogeking, there was no past, no repercussions and no attachments, and no limits.

He so deeply wanted to feel connected again..

It hurt not being able to lift up his mask and give to Chopper one of his infamous goofy grins: A grin that seemed to give hope and strength to the young reindeer when he, himself, possessed none. He noticed how his smile seemed to convey to the youngest member of the Straw Hats to not take life too seriously. Despite his hardships and his losses, Chopper was still young and life still had so much more to offer.

Usopp wanted to be depended on like that again.

He wanted, so badly, to feel Nami's painful slap on his back as she offered him words of encouragement and hope. Neither of them had fruit powers nor ridiculously super strength. They were human, they were normal, but they had their knowledge and their talents as their "skills". Neither would allow the other to feel like they were at "the bottom of the barrel" when it came to the group. They pushed each other up, even if sometimes they had to push each other down. Often, what was said was not what they wanted to hear… but they were given nonetheless. Despite all this, there was never any animosity between the two. Somehow they understood that it was just what they needed to make them stronger. They were still part of the team and they were not the only ones who depended on each other.

Usopp wanted to feel that strong again.

To not be able to sit casually next to the sleeping form of Zoro, and just randomly weave one of his adventures, proved agonizing to the long-nosed marksman. Despite all appearances, Zoro was a great audience and although he gave off the appearance of a "sleepy, uninterested crewmember," Usopp knew he was dutifully aware of his surroundings. During his storytelling, Usopp would casually notice the shift in body position and the change of snores from the green-haired swordsman… most of them coinciding with the mood of the story. Never would the Zoro snore above the volume of the story-teller's voice and he would sometimes bring a grateful distraction, with either a low snort or a mumble, whenever someone called the liar out on one of his "facts". Usopp liked to believe he was giving Zoro a chance to redeem his neglected and abandoned childhood with the use of childish and youthful imagination. It was a silly belief, but it was the least he could do to repay the man for his protection. It was the least he could do to tell his fun and playful adventures in this chaotic and dangerous world.

Usopp still had plenty more stories to tell them.

He was surprised to realize that he had also missed the scathing and harsh words directed to him by Sanji, just as he had missed the equally scathing quips he would throw back. To Usopp, Sanji was the older brother he never had. Even with his own crew back at Syrup Village or even with Chopper, he would take in the role as the "bigger brother" and usually felt the brunt of those responsibilities on his shoulders. With Sanji, he felt a sibling bond to protect, but rest assured that he was protected as well. His bickering with the "cycloptic pirate" as he would often call him, ironically gave both parties the chance to relax. There were no pretenses, no need to impress, no masks, and no worries. He felt comfortable and he felt he was himself. Usopp deeply missed that sense of family and knew that Sanji had missed that feeling as well with his own "family" back in his restaurant. It wasn't a bond of blood, but one that was equally important.

Usopp would give anything to feel like a family again.

Luffy had been and would always be a paradox to Usopp. Despite the childish, carefree and optimistic-to-the-point-of-foolishness behavior, Usopp had truthfully looked up to the younger boy as almost a role-model. What happened at Water 7 would not change that. In fact, it only proved to Usopp that "allowing" Luffy to be the Captain was wise choice. Usopp had laid awake these past few nights wondering how he would have acted if the roles had been switched? Would he have been able to bare the anguish of fighting one's crewmate, one's friend, one's nakama? Would he have been able to look the others in the eye after turning his back on the one that had brought him fond memories? No. Usopp didn't think he would have been able to live after doing that. The fact that Luffy could simply illustrated how much stronger the straw-hat wearing boy was compared to him. It prickled his mind on how much more of a brave warrior and "great captain" Luffy was, and how grand the distance his level was compared to Luffy's.

Usopp still wanted to fight by their side and experience more adventures.

For now he would only dream and be thankful for the mask as it hid his gritting teeth, his clenched eyes and his strained features. He would put aside his want to run back to his former crew, and instead focus on bringing back another lost Nakama, Robin. He would do his best to stand indifferent as Chopper stared at him with an awed expression because Sogeking had no connection to anyone in the crew. He would stay quiet when Nami began to worry herself sick about the dangers she would be facing upon reaching Enies Lobby, as the strength of that of the King of Snipers was different from the others. He would ignore Zoro's impatient shifting as the swordsman tried to make himself comfortable for his nap because what stories could Sogeking tell that would be of any interest to anyone? He would step aside when Sanji tried to start an argument as that was not the role that was for Sogeking. Finally, he would step back when Luffy walked forward facing his next adventure… because Sogeking was not a Straw-hat, and, in at least Luffy's eyes, Sogeking was not Usopp.

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_To believe I was so naive back then, but I won't spoil anything for those who haven't read the more recent chapters. I swear though... If I'm ever this emo again, just whack me upside the head with a fish. I give you all full permission to do so.  
Anyway, comment below! Thanks!_


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